EDUCATION
Harvard Law School, J.D. 1991, Magna Cum Laude.
President, Harvard Law Review
Executive Board, Black Law Students' Association
Columbia University, Bachelor of Arts, Political Science, 1983
United States Senator, Illinois, 2004-present
Illinois State Senator - 13th Legislative District, Chicago, 1996 - 2004
Minority Spokesperson for the Public Health & Welfare Committee, Member of the Judiciary and Revenue Committees, Co-Chair of the Joint Committee on Administrative Rules.
University of Chicago Law School
Senior Lecturer, 1993 - present
Miner, Barnhill & Galland, P.C.
Of Counsel, 1996 - present
Associate, 1993 - 1996
Illinois Project Vote
Director, April 1992 - November 1992
Voter registration and education campaign targeted at minority and low-income voters in Cook County.
Developing Communities Project
Director, June 1985 - June 1988
http://www.dcpincorp.org/About_us.html
Not-for-profit community development projects, including job training programs for area unemployed, college prep programs for low-income students, parent initiatives to reform public schools, and campaigns to clean up hazardous waste sites.
Business International Corporation
Research Associate, General International Business Information, January 1984 - January 1985
____________________________________________________________________
To Whom This May Concern:
I am submitting my resume in response to your solicitation of applications for Presidency of the United States.
When I finished college, I spent an entire year working as an entry level associate, writing research reports for business clients (who I never met). As these clients were "international," you can see how this translates into foreign policy know-how. Having perfected my knowledge of foreign economic markets, I turned to Chicago's South Side where I worked for a church-based group dedicated to solving neighborhood problems. As my ample experience knocking on doors and schmoozing with people demonstrate, I am very popular and people like me. Moreover, I demonstrated my ability to motivate young people to vote and go to church. I worked for three years as an associate in a law firm; but, paperwork, details, long hours, and "deadlines" are really not my "thing." So, I lectured on Constitutional Law once a year for a couple of years. I was really lucky to get this job because I don't have any scholarly publications and have no expertise in the field, but people like to hear me talk, and I am very popular. Speaking of which, did I tell you that Oprah is writing me a letter of recommendation? And that I am very popular and people like me? Finally, I understand that one of the job requirements is that I be over 35 years old. I am...in fact, I am 45 (is 45 the new 35?)
Sincerely,
B-- O--
__________________________________________________________________
Dear B-- O--,
We agree that you are a motivational speaker. Would you consider applying for one of the other available positions? We have openings in our inspirational poster division specializing in schmate and chotski for overweight, unmotivated, pessimistic, and underachieving people. I think you will find that your talents are more suited for this arena. As the "current beneficiary of a tsunami of drool," to use the phrase of Christopher Hitchens, you may very well be the next opiate of the masses! Perhaps we could market you as an alternative to antidepressants: Obama gives you hope and makes you think "yes I can" without causing sexual side effects and suicide.
Please let us know if you are interested in this position. We've represented the best in the motivation and inspiration industry.
Richard Simmons is the king of motivational exercise, especially if you're a beginner. This video workout is a dance party simulating a class reunion, with an energizing live band playing lively hits from the '50s and '60s, such as "It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To," "Great Balls of Fire," and "Dancing in the Streets."
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